I improve the recruitment strategies of revolutionary political movements, with castles

As I am not only a denizen of New York City, but one who gravitates toward punk rock shows, I have been, in my time, petitioned by many proponents of radical political ideologies, handed many a free-paper concisely delineating the cause to which those men and women have pledged themselves. While I have personally never been impelled to take up the banner of insurrection, as, given that I am subsisting to my satisfaction under the present American constitution, to do so would require me to manifest compassion for strangers when I barely care about people I personally know, I have resolved, in my near boundless generosity, to endeavor to offer these admirably dogged insurgents some wisdom.

My main qualm with political systems focused on egalitarianism and the elimination of class stratification, one I imagine to be shared by many other men and women of the modern world, is that communal ownership of the means of production and the equal distribution of the resources yielded through these means will likely interfere in my possession of nice things. For a man whose primary ambition is to be lord of a castle, “from each according to his ability, from each according to his need” is essentially a four letter word. Although today’s disciples of Marx, Bakunin, and Proudhon must recognize that I absorb their freepaper’s illustrations before I do their words, those images are consistently depictions of spartan farms and squalid factories. I’m expected to betray the pledge of allegiance I was forced to make, every day of my elementary school career, to the flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands so I can live on a lame, shitty farm? Take a big step back, comrade.

After puzzling over this predicament for some time, the solution dawned upon me, beautiful in its simplicity. COMMUNAL CASTLES. Offer me the chance to live in a castle, and I’ll sign up to participate in a communist experiment faster than one can say “Workers of the World, Unite!”. I wouldn’t even be horribly averse to sharing my citadel, as even within a capitalist economic model, the manor would also be occupied by servants. Put a kickass gothic tower on the cover of a pamphlet instead of some ramshackle huts, and I guarantee the glacial rate of the populace’s radicalization will grow exponentially.   

Take notes, Crimethinc.com. 

– Gothicus Maximus


3 Responses to “I improve the recruitment strategies of revolutionary political movements, with castles”

  1. You make an excellent point there. Why would one want to give up what they have for something perceived to be less materially?

    It’s all a matter of priority of course.

  2. Ophelia S. Says:

    Although at first glance your enhancements to the egalitarian model seem tempting, I have never had it explained satisfactorily to me how communal living will preserve my natural proclivity toward reclusivity. Perhaps the loners amongst our punk brethren are those we discover living with a dog and a generator.

    Looking forward to your future posts,

  3. Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

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