Who is Gothicus Maximus?

Gothicus Maximus, whose name translates into the low language of mortals as “Greatest Goth”, is a 50 million year old nosferatu king masquerading as an 18 year old college student, currently pursuing a quintuple major in Bats, Skeletons, Goth, Goth, and Dramatic Writing at New York University in New York, New York. His poor judgment in regard to what a citizen of the contemporary United States should wear in public has earned him the attention of both a desperate college newspaper and a less-funny version of Wikipedia, the latter of which alleged, in obvious jealousy of his dark grandeur, that Gothicus assfucks men dressed as animals. Gothicus is said to have purchased vignitillion units of goth cred from Andrew Eldritch, frontman of ‘pop’ band and ‘industrial groove machine’ The Sisters of Mercy, after winning an auction the musician conducted via ebay.com.

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