Archive for Depression

Here comes the story of The Hurricane

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 30, 2008 by gothicusmaximus

Forgive the delay between this post and my last. Readjusting to my relentlessly fast-paced, action-packed New York lifestyle has required me to briefly avert my attention from blogging, but I have an announcement that I believe will instill in my readers joy to sufficient compensate for whatever feelings of neglect they may have suffered on my account. 

As many have come to know through experience, deep sadness can oftentimes compel one to, in desperation to distract oneself from the source of that sadness, enact somewhat impulsive behavior. Though said compulsion most commonly manifests as binge drinking, regrettable sexual misadventures, or some combination thereof, those afflicted, even when of a perfectly contented disposition, by a profound lack of responsibility in regard to the management of fiscal assets, such as that one must possess in order to judge the purchase of the domain name ‘omgabat.com’ to be a good idea, are often susceptible to inducement by sorrow to carry out exorbitant monetary expenditures. There exists perhaps no evidence that better legitimizes the latter idea than that represented by the 200 dollar fog machine presently sitting on a chair in the 7’x7′ chamber I generously call my kitchen.

Behold:

 

This glorious device possesses a 1,000 watt heater, allowing it to be primed for fog production, which it carries out at a nigh-unbelievable rate of 5,000 cubic feet per minute, almost immediately after activation, and a 1.4 watt tank, along with a warning light that signals impending fuel depletion, ensures all but perpetual function. Unfortunately, despite these impressive capacities, the utility of even such an masterful work of engineering within the context of my life is almost entirely nil. Thus far, I have been unable to cogitate a use to which The Hurricane might be turned, beyond providing atmospherics for a kickin’ party, encapsulating the entire effects budget for a mid-20th century British Horror Film, or the blasting of fog into the faces of new acquaintances into order decrease even further the rate at which I make friends.
Undaunted by the unshakeable sensation that I may have dedicated my resources to a somewhat reckless end, I am resolved to not relent, and to reflect, a year from now, on the day I bought my fog machine with minimal regret. Any willing to offer suggestions as to how I might achieve this goal would earn my gratitude. 
– Gothicus Maximus

Some intern, somewhere, has awful grammar.

Posted in Television with tags , , , , on July 11, 2008 by gothicusmaximus

I was recently watching an episode of teen soap opera Degrassi: The Next Generation, and clicked the info button on my remote in order to review a synopsis of its plot. That synopsis read: “Mia must face the consequences when a party goes to far.”

– Gothicus Maximus

BLAST

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on July 8, 2008 by gothicusmaximus

Today I acquired 10 dollars by way of an accounting error on the part of a Kentucky Fried Chicken employee who, in attempting to give me change after I paid for an 8 dollar meal with a 20 dollar bill, handed me twenty-two dollars. Even an uncompromisingly moral version of myself from an alternate universe would have been unable to notice, much less correct the mistake, as he, like me, would have been transfixed by the instructional poster adhered to the wall behind the counter, which read:

Believe

Listen

Apologize

Satisfy

Thank’s (sic)

I assume the pneumatic device BLAST is designed to aid workers in remembering the process one must follow when waiting on a customer. I detected the most depressing part of this display immediately- though I opted to refrain from voicing my concern as I doubted it would be relayed to management- but only after I had left the establishment did I detect the most bizarre aspect of the acronym, the word for which B stands, “believe”. I’m glad that management has chosen to impress upon the KFC staff the value of belief, for a lack thereof could easily interfere in one’s ability to work effectively. Imagine, a customer enters a Kentucky Fried Chicken, approaches whomever should happen to be behind the counter, and says “Hello, I would like a large popcorn chicken please,” only to hear in reply a stern “No. No, you wouldn’t. I don’t believe you.”

– Gothicus Maximus